…on how to get along with your spouse during lockdown.
We’re sharing our experiences, thoughts, and uncensored opinions during lockdown, quarantine, and self-isolation. For some of us, it’s DAY 66.
Meditating through marriage in lockdown
Tokyo Boom Boom Ciao*, #Beirut, #Lebanon
Really, meditation and yoga have been my one and only saviors during the lockdown here in Lebanon.
You realize things during quarantine about your husband. Sure, you marry for love and it’s romantic and you actually love your companion, but we were all used to spending a small amount of time together in those old days before Corona.
But in no one’s life are you with your husband every day, every minute, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week! You leave for work, he leaves for work, you are out of each others’ lives and whatnot from 6 pm until 10 pm, you have dinner, bath time, and homework if you have kids, watch a Netflix movie together…literally, it’s absurd to spend this much time with anyone.
And one other thing I am going to rant about: you guys are dirty. I never realized how you manage until now. You burp, and you think we don’t hear it? Your butt crack hangs out of your pants and you think we don’t see it? You lay all over furniture with your sweat, you think we don’t smell it and deodorize it when you are not around? You don’t wash your hands after you eat and you eat all day! I didn’t know that until we started living quarantine lives. And you go to the toilet with the door open, who does that?
I am not living with my husband anymore; I am living with a college roommate all over again!
Alright, I am exhausted from this quarantine and have no solutions except the need to go back to work regularly and not live with my husband all day long for the rest of my life. Until then, ughhhhhh…..I will go meditate and practice yoga again.
* Pseudonym to protect the innocent
Co-existence for dummies
RJD, Beirut, Lebanon
When I speak to my friends locally and internationally, I hear the same about coexistence: I am going to kill my partner if these lockdowns continue!
Yes, we are all under duress, we are all anxious and worried, and we are all getting on each others’ nerves. Thirty to forty percent of the world population will go through a depression or anxiety-related issues in the coming few months.
So how do we coexist? Here is my list:
- Socially distance yourself. Bathrooms are great places for that. Wait for your partner to finish daily bathroom needs and spend as much time in the bathroom as you can. You can do a self-care ritual, you can sit and read, listen to music, message and talk to friends in private and complain about your partner!
- Create time zones. Take a fake nap in the afternoon, watch a movie or series alone, or just meditate more often! Transport yourself to a different time zone for an hour or two each day while your partner is awake.
- Sing. Sing badly in a loud voice around your home, hum or whistle. Usually, your partner will get fed up and move to a different space!
- Consider the best-case scenario. What would you love to do on your own right now? Travel? Watch a YouTube trip to somewhere you love, pretend you are there. Get drunk with your friends, host a party (in the bathroom), make a drink, and cheer each other.
- Encourage your partners’ friends to stay more in touch.
- Create a man/woman cave for them.
- If all else fails, have a fake fit! It does calm things down!!!!
The lockdowns will end one day, but you don’t want to end up in a situation where you are permanently alone (or do ya?!), so make the effort and apply co-existence for dummies ideas to get by for a few more days…weeks… months…it will end one day.
Knickers in a twist
Tina F., Fairfax, #Virginia
There is a saying in Arabic for when two people have been spending a lot of time together. We say “tizein bil bas.” Translated it means “two asses in an underwear.”
Usually the saying is used when the two are getting along with one another. But after spending so much time together in such close proximity, it’s inevitable that the underwear becomes way too tight and nerves/threads start to fray. And they basically can get their knickers in a twist.
I must admit that my husband and I are finally dealing with this constant oneness quite well. We have decided that we are each entitled to feel the way we want. We are also allowing each other to be as productive or as lazy as we want.
Do you see the common thread? Allowing the other person to live as an individual is key to a lasting relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have our moments. For instance, I dread hearing him call my name when he is sitting in his home office at his computer. A sure sign that he has a technical questions. It maybe the fifth time he has asked about this issue and this is the fifth time I give him the solution. I take a deep breath and bite my tongue… haha, anyone who knows me knows I would never bite my tongue, but rather I bite his head off!
Sometimes I feel especially angry and want to go and lock all the controls on electrical appliances and watch his baffled face as he tries to warm something in the microwave.
What? I’ve never done that! I was just thinking about it…
Anyway, back to the positive interactions. We go on walks together a lot, we eat and drink together a lot too. But if I am truly honest, the key to success is this: Live independently but not selfishly. Share in the chores and never expect things to get done without asking for them first.
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